distractions

they aren't working

Right after it happened i felt like i was going to break into a million pieces, so i swam, i swam for 2 hours straight, it didn't work out. turns out it's possible to cry and swim at the same time.

Later that day i had to go to a meeting in Payson, i cranked the radio, that didn't work cause uncle kraker's song "smile" came on. people that saw me on the freeway probably thought i was a big baby.

Yesterday i tried to distract myself with work and with people, that worked till i saw her and realized that i really missed her, and still like her as much as ever, i tried to forget about it, it didn't work. last night i went to bed again crying.

Today, i just couldn't get out of bed, when i did i broke down in the shower. This is the worst. I hope she isn't having as hard a time with this as I am because i can't stand the idea of her feeling this way.

I kinda wish i could just not wake up till i know i wont feel this way anymore. or if i could wake up and everything could be like it used to that would be the better option.

I miss her, i won't deny it, i'm a wreck.