Venting time

Heads up there's a little bit of anger in this post, but that's why I made this blog in the first place, so that I could share thoughts that I can't say out loud. So this is just a little venting for the day and I'll do it in categories.

Parking at BYU

parking at this university is hell, there is no other way to put it, I got to campus 10 minutes before my class today, I know, that's pretty close, but it doesn't matter because it took me 40 minutes to find a parking spot. That's ridiculous. I have a pass to any spot on campus and it took me 40 minutes. What a joke, the thing that bothers me the most is that I watched several people with liberty square stickers, and university villas parking stickers parking their cars. In my opinion the university should not give anyone parking stickers if they live within 1 mile of campus. They can walk. There are students like me who HAVE to drive 30 minutes to get to school, i don't really have a choice but i can't park because some student who lives a few blocks from campus is to lazy to walk to school. if you're one of those students, I hate you right now.

I finally found a parking spot, it was to late to go to my first class, so instead i missed it and now i'm writing this post

College students

I'm so sick of hearing students tell me how busy they are because they are taking 15 credits and that's just so much. I ask them if they are working a job and most of the time they aren't, and if they are they are working like 10 hours on campus. I ask them how they are affording school and they tell me they work during the summer and once they run out of that money their parents have given them a credit card so they don't have to work a lot during school. That's retarded, I have had a job every day of my life since 1 month before I turned 15, I work 30 hours a week currently and my job is 40 minutes from campus. I'm starting a second job right now, and I'm also taking 15.5 credits, so i'm kinda tired of people telling me how crazy their life is because they have to manage 15 credits and......a social life? what's a social life?

I know I just spent a whole paragraph complaining but i don't think i'm better than them, in fact I don't think it's even really their faults. I blame it on the parents. By raising a generation of college students who don't work and think that money is just alway going to be there when they need it they are doing a huge disservice to our community. And sadly these students will get married and have kids and in 18 years there will be even more students who are living the same way.

I don't have a solution other than parents need to stop it.

Hipsters/preppies

Hipsters, let's get real, your not original you're just pulling fashions from the past, and there are so many of you that it's not original anymore, so in reality you are conforming just as much as the rest of us, you are just conforming to the wrong decade

Preppies, put on a t-shirt and some jeans, instead of your shirts and ties, your a college student not a freaking CEO. I get it, you're studying business, but you aren't graduated yet, you're still a normal student.

I really shouldn't be mad at the way they dress because that isn't the problem it's the attitude they have, and both genres have a sense of letting everyone know that they are better than everyone else.

Last 2 weeks of the semester

The countdown is on, this semester is almost over. I feel like I have so much to do, so many final group projects which means...... I have a new best friend

This stuff is the best, it tastes like orange/pineapple soda. I drank one last night around 12:30 because I had a lot to do. Unfortunately this stuff is like aderall to me, so I was able to focus super well and I was able to finish a lot of my work by 2:00. Problem, I was ready to go to bed but my newly energized body was not. So I tossed and turned until I finally submitted and took 2 all natural sleeping pills. Probably not the best thing I could do to my body but I needed to sleep.

I woke up around 7:30 and got ready for school, I've been here since 8:30 and it's not looking like I will be leaving till around 10:00 or 11:00 tonight, then I have a 5 page paper to write. which means another date with my new friend.

I love the last two weeks of the semester......NOT

Ski season can't come soon enough (4 days away)

I'm kinda liking this song and the message it has

Well I don't know what I'm looking for
But I know that I just want to look some more
And I won't be satisfied 'til there's nothing left that I haven't tried
For some people it's an easy choice
But for me there's a devil and an angel's voice
Well I don't know what I am looking for
But I know that I just wanna look some more

Well I don't know what I'm living for
But I know that i just wanna live some more
You hear it from strangers
And you hear it from friends
That love never dies
And love never ends
I don't want to argue
No, I don't want to fight
'Cause you're always wrong
And I'm always right
Well I don't know what I'm living for
But I know that I just want to live some more

I used to be involved and I felt like a king
Now I've lost it all and i don't feel a thing
I may never grow up
I may never give in
And I blame this world that I live in
I visit Hell on a daily basis
And I see the sadness in all your faces
I've got friends who are married and their lives seem complete
And here I am still stumbling down a darkened street
A darkened street

And I act like a child
And I'm insecure
And I'm filled with doubt
And I'm immature
Sometimes it creeps up on me
And before I know it I'm lost at sea
But no matter how far I roam
I always find my way back home
But I don't know what I've been waiting for
But I know that I don't wanna wait anymore

Looking for
What I'm looking for
Looking for
What I'm looking for
Looking for
What I'm looking for
Looking for
What I'm looking for
Looking for
What I'm looking for

My Future

It's my future, key word in that phrase is "MY"

I am so sick of people/parents telling me what I should want and what I should do. I'm sick of hearing how I should be pursuing marriage, I should be going on dates, I should be taking more classes, I should be more social, I should be more socially involved with school, I should want to make friends, I should want to have a girlfriend, and that I should be doing better. Who defines better? It's my life, I think my definition should suffice. And by my definition I'm doing pretty damn good.

I'm not in any extravagant debt.

I love my life.

I don't have social drama in my life.

I don't have relationship drama.

I don't have to worry about anyone else.

I'm actively pursuing a degree.

I'm doing well in school.

I do what I love 5 days a week during the winter.

I base my decisions on the joy they will bring me.

I have an awesome place to live.

I'm not paying rent.

I'm not paying for food.

OH and did I already say I ski 5 days a week or more. And better yet, I'm getting paid to do it.

Sounds like a damn good life to me. So how about ya'll just back off and let me live MY life the way I want to

America

I've been really confused lately. I'm not sure what I believe, or what I trust. But one thing is for sure. I love and believe in america and that is one thing that will remain true my whole life



This song says it all, I love it.

God bless america

Life lesson learned

I've realized that I was happier when I was closed to people, so that's how I'll live my life till I know for sure that I can trust people.

Great day

this song was playing on my ihome when I woke up this morning; It was a sign that today would be amazing.

Q: Is there a reason that today was is so great?

A: No not particularly.

Fall is here and that means that ski season is near. Also I've made a new friend, YAY!!! If you know me you know how rare this is, (i'm not really much of a socializer).

I work tonight, and I packed a dinner to bring with me, progresso's loaded potato soup, i'm excited to try it. It looks delicious.

I managed to pay attention in most my classes (except the one I'm sitting in right now).

My PB&J was especially delicious, and the goldfish that accompanied it were extra crunchy and cheesy :)

Also, my homework for tomorrow is done already, an even rarer event.

Oh, and if I can survive till wednesday I get work off for the rest of the week and i'm going to............

THE CABIN!

And this last weekend I bought, read, and finished....

It was an amazing book, I would highly recommend reading it. It is not difficult (thus it only took me a day and a half to read) and it really is a book that makes you reflect on all your blessings.

Celebrity Crush

I was once asked who my celebrity crush was. At the time my mind couldn't even comprehend the idea of a celebrity crush. That is not the case anymore; I am in love with.............

She is beautiful, and I love who she is when she is in character. She is a crazy liberal, and a member of PETA, so I know that things would never ever work out in the real world. But to have one date with her, I think would be nice.

Inspiration

It is sad that a man had to die, so that this speech would come to my attention. But I'm glad that i stumbled upon it. This is probably the most inspirational speeches that i've ever heard.

Now I just need to figure out what i love.

Song of the day

This song makes me want to drink, maybe that's bad. But at least I haven't acted on my desire.

song of the day

GETTING CREATIVE

Are you tired of a smashed sandwich when you go backpacking, or skiing, or even when you have to toss your lunch into your backpack?

Solution:



if you have an empty cocoa container you can say goodbye to smashed sandwich syndrome. After washing out this beautiful container it is the perfect size to hold a sandwich, a few chips or goldfish, a granola bar, and maybe some swedish fish (or others small candies. (all of the above being individually bagged.)

It's a beautiful thing

AWESOME

That's all i'm going to say.

Awesome

Sometimes I love it when people lie to me.

GLEE

It's back, unfortunately I have class during the time when it is on tv so I have to watch on the internet. Problem with that is, there is a lock on the episodes so you can't watch them till 8 days after they air.

I guess I will have to be a week behind this season.

Whatever, it's not like i've got anything better to do, I can wait 8 days.

I'm just happy it's back, it gives me something to look forward to every week. (which is nice)

Group Projects

They will be my demise
I know the real world is one giant group project but I hate them. They are awesome when you have a good group, but when you have one that is out to screw you over; it's no fun. I have 3 semester long, grade changing, life destroying group projects.

Project 1.

This one is good because I have an awesome group. It is terrible because the organization we are working with does not have a date or a venue for the event we are supposed to have planned in a week. AWESOME

Project 2.

This one isn't so bad, the group is awesome, and we are working with Alta ski resort. (I love skiing in case you didn't know). The downside, it's a ton of work, lot's of research, and just lame.

Project 3.

This is the one that inspired my hatred towards group work. I spoke with 2 fine individuals 2 weeks ago about needing a group, they said I could join and sent out an email with all of our information so that we could correspond. Today I emailed them and said we should probably get started. They informed me that they didn't realize I was in their group (keep in mind that i spoke face to face with them) and that they already started. So........ i'm stuck without a group, and I was not included in the group organizing assignment that was due last wednesday (I figured that I would have been included) so that means I failed the assignment. I hate groups.

I just want to finish college and never be here again. I hate it here, well, right now I hate my life in general, I have no friends, I have no social life, and i am miserable every waking moment of my life.

Can I just sleep till ski season?????? PLEASE?????????

a friend wrote this and I like it

He would love to sing you a song, but you made fun of his singing voice.
He is dying to write you a note, but you laughed at his handwriting.
He wants to write you a poem, but you keep saying poetry isn't romantic.
He wants to see you constantly, but you said he is suffocating you.
He wants to give you a diamond ring, but the sparkle in your eyes when you see him has faded.
He wants to be your Prince Charming, but you make him feel like a frog.

Sometimes the reason men don't rise up to their potential is because they haven't found a girl who will let them.

I saw this on a friends facebook, and I liked it so I thought I would copy it to a more permanent place.

My life

I wake up usually anywhere from 7-9

Get ready

Go to class

Come home

Eat dinner

Sit and watch tv or a movie, or I read

And I go to bed.

That's life monday-wednesday.

Thursday-sunday

I do nothing, absolutely nothing

sometimes I work (rarely)

My life is pretty boring.

Activities I could maybe use to try and beat boredom:

Fishing! (always a good choice)
Hiking (in the fall it's the best)
Going to the gym (I want to get fit)
Finding a new job (I need more money)

If any of you have any hobby suggestions I would love to hear them, I need to get out of this boring rut.

New Low

I can't remember a time when i've ever felt so low in my life. I have zero desire to do anything, most of the time I wake up and I wish that it could just be night again so I could keep sleeping, because if i'm sleeping I don't have to face the world.

I hate going to school, all of my classes seem to drag on, and I just don't fit. I have no friends on campus (and outside of campus I only have 1) I know most of you reading this are probably thinking, "So make new friends." I wish I could, I seriously do, I just have this fear/phobia of meeting people by myself. I have always made my friends through friends, so when i'm sitting at one friend total it's kinda hard to meet new people.

I can't stand my ward

the pool is closed (so there goes the final happy place I had in this world)

until winter comes around I don't have a whole lot going for me. And even then I have skiing which is good cause it gets me out doing something I love, but it's bad because it just makes me hate school even more.

I don't know what I want to do with my life. Nothing seems interesting at all. Like I said, can I just go to sleep and maybe not wake up for a while, Please?

no video

But the song of the day is:

EASY -rascal flatts w/natasha bedingfield

yeah.... so the video says it all

yes!!

I got an email from Sundance, I can't wait till winter. I wasn't sure about going back this winter but now I know that I need to go back, even if my only reason were, so that i can have some sort of a social life, it would be worth it.

Please bless that I can just push through this long, lonely looking autumn.

I've always wanted to.....

I've always wanted to be in the military. I can't though, and it's ok, cause i wouldn't trade giving my kidney to my dad for anything in the world. But i don't understand why having 1 kidney should hold me back. If i'm gladly willing to go to the front lines and die for my country, what does it matter if I only have one kidney. That one kidney works just as well as both of most people's. I just wish I could join.

Labor Day Weekdend

We went to the cabin, it was awesome to get out of the valley. All the memories I have of the valley these days just get me down, so the mountain air, the cool nights, the campfires, the fishing, the cold river, and just being away made it a nice getaway. It was a great trip.

On monday when i got back, Lance wanted to go four-wheeling, it was fantastic, we found the most intense trail we've ever done. I call it satan's boulder field. It was awesome.

Now.....it's time to go back to real life. Is it so terrible if the thought often crosses my mind that I don't think i can do this? Can't everyday be a break? Cause I hate real life right now.

music as an answer to prayers

You all know I love music and i relate to it. Well, sometimes it is an answer to my prayers. Like today, This song was in my head when I woke up, I don't think that it's just a coincidence.

living a lie

Have you ever pretended to be happy just so that people wouldn't ask you what is wrong? Have you ever tried to trick yourself into believing that everything is ok, when you know that you really feel like you'll never be ok or happy again? Have you ever smiled, or laughed when you really just wanted to cry? Have you ever gone out to see people when all you really want is to shut yourself in your room and never interact with another human being again? Have you ever lost all your faith in people? Have you lost the desire to do anything and everything?

Cause I have.

Welcome to my current predicament.

I hate it, I hate it all, it's the worst.

college......again

Well team, school started. From first glance my schedule seems pretty chill, I have class monday and wednesday from 10-5:15 and then tuesday I have one class from 5-7:30 then i'm done for the week. That's right 4 day weekend every weekend. Unfortunately those 3 days every week are going to kill me. I hate it. I realized that in the 3 years and 2 days i've been at BYU I've not made a single friend from school. All of my friends have come from work, or from friendships that i have had for a long time. This place is just not for me. I am not a social butterfly, I have a hard time trusting strangers enough to open myself up, I am terrified of meeting people and ending up hurt by them somewhere down the road, and frankly, even though it's my 4th year at this church owned school, I feel weird saying a prayer before a marketing class (luckily that's the only one we say a prayer in).

And loosing my friends, and also my best friend, that probably didn't help me go into this year with a positive attitude.

I dunno team, I just don't like school. I want to be done, but at the same time I don't want to do the work to finish it all up.

and p.s. unlike everyone else here, I don't care where you served your mission, I don't care how FHE was, and I really don't care if you are engaged, and if you are engaged I don't care how or when it happened.

first day of school

I wish i could be like a lot of my friends going into this year not really knowing what to expect from school. Unfortunately I know exactly what to expect.

and i'm not excited

and i don't really want to go

and i wish i could just wake up when this whole university thing is over

Oh well, I've just gotta do it i suppose, no reason to fight against the inevitable.

I'll survive (maybe)

Maybe this will be the year I make my first friend at BYU??? (sad since it's my 4th year)

All i can say, is that with the pool closing, and school starting; I am already itching for winter and skiing to come along to take me away into a blissful state of false reality.

Nashville!

I have never been to a place that fit me so well, it was amazing. I loved it. if you want to know what it's like there listen to THIS. the song does not lie i swear.

I got boots

I got a hat

I ate at the wildhorse saloon, a real honkey tonk.

I spent 3 hours at the country music hall of fame.

And I fell in love with the city that distracted me from real life.

the truth

Things are getting better, I'm accepting what happened, and that it's over. It sucks still, i'm not going to lie. I am definitely getting better than i was that first week. Never the less this song is one I love, and it's one that kinda fits.

Tennessee

Well team i'm going to Tennessee, I was going to take my laptop with me, but i decided against it. I think it will be nice to get away from the world wide web for a little while. So, I guess I will just catch up with everything on Saturday. Who knows, maybe i'll change my mind and bring this along. i dunno i can't make up my mind.

yep

haha sometimes you just gotta laugh i suppose.

sorry

yeah, that last little rant i had posted got taken the wrong way by the wrong people. sorry team, i deleted it.

I love cheesy country songs

Maybe this one made me cry.

Maybe it is the perfect description of how i feel.

Maybe i feel like music can describe me best sometimes.

Changes

I feel like i've been going through a lot. I've never been as emotional as i've been this last week. But you know what? there are other people who are struggling too. And that makes me sad. I know of a few friends who just left for college, they left home for the first time and they are in a new environment. That's hard, I know what it's like to leave everything you have grown up with, you feel like nothing will ever be the same. Sadly it won't. but at least you know that friends will always be there. (at least the good ones will). Keep going guys, you are all in my prayers, this first little while is the hardest but you can make it. I feel bad that i've been so focused on my own sadness that i didn't realize the massive changes you are all going through. You are some of the best people i know, you will all do great. and if you ever need someone to talk to, you know my number. i'm just a phone call or a text away.

dreaming

I only dream of one thing these days, i bet you can guess what it is.

camping

thought it would help, it did last night, but this morning. It all hit me again.

I don't know what it is about the mornings,

maybe it's that i know that most likely i won't hear from her, or that my phone might only vibrate with one text all day and it's my boss asking if i'm going to come in.

Maybe it's that i won't be able to see that smile, or those bright eyes that used to be one of my only reason for waking up every morning.

Maybe it's that i won't hear her voice, or her jokes. I won't see her teaching swim lessons, i won't make a dr pepper float or even just a plain dr. pepper.

Maybe it's cause i know i might find something good or quotable in the book i'm reading and i won't have anyone to share it with.

Mornings suck.

right now, my social life sucks

Goodbye to all my friends, good luck in college. i'll still be here when you come back, I probably won't have made much progress, maybe if you're in town you can say hello.

distractions

they aren't working

Right after it happened i felt like i was going to break into a million pieces, so i swam, i swam for 2 hours straight, it didn't work out. turns out it's possible to cry and swim at the same time.

Later that day i had to go to a meeting in Payson, i cranked the radio, that didn't work cause uncle kraker's song "smile" came on. people that saw me on the freeway probably thought i was a big baby.

Yesterday i tried to distract myself with work and with people, that worked till i saw her and realized that i really missed her, and still like her as much as ever, i tried to forget about it, it didn't work. last night i went to bed again crying.

Today, i just couldn't get out of bed, when i did i broke down in the shower. This is the worst. I hope she isn't having as hard a time with this as I am because i can't stand the idea of her feeling this way.

I kinda wish i could just not wake up till i know i wont feel this way anymore. or if i could wake up and everything could be like it used to that would be the better option.

I miss her, i won't deny it, i'm a wreck.

just a line i like from a song

Can you promise me if this is right:
Don't throw it all away?

rocket to the moon "like we used to"

can i just say that i wish it worked that easily? cause i'm sick of waking up with an upset nauseous stomach, having my eyes being stuck shut because of the gunk that comes when you cry as you're falling asleep, or feeling like there is no reason for me to be awake today, and going to bed feeling like no one in the world cares that i feel lonelier than I ever have.

yep this is the worst i've ever felt.

what did i do wrong?

I have so many questions, none that can be answered. Like i said before I tend to question a lot of things.
Lately it's just;

-what did i do wrong?
-was I too pushy?
-did i not show that i care enough?
-did i not fight hard enough to keep things together?
-did i need to say something I didn't say?
-did i say to much?
-why is this happening?
-was i supposed to get closer when i thought i was supposed to give more space?
-did I make her feel that she wasn't good enough? (i sure hope not because that is definitely not the case)
-did i not show that she meant everything to me?

I don't know. I just don't know anymore. all i know is that if i keep feeling the way i have felt these last 2 days i don't know if i'll make it. I wish i could get in a time machine and go back to relive the last 3 months over and over, because they were the best i've ever had. No one has ever treated me as kindly and accepted me for who i am without trying to fix me like she did. I can't do this anymore, i can't deal with the sudden tears when i hear a song on the radio, or when i'm alone with my thoughts, or when i'm watching a movie all alone. this is the worst, I would do anything to make things go back to the way they were. I miss her more than i can say. i just wish i knew what i did wrong.

i'm struggling with words today, so music will have to do

while the songs aren't perfect, they portray the way i feel. Extreme gratitude for the blessing of enduring friendship. But the depression of heartbreak at the same time.

a song to describe my feelings.

this kinda describes the way i feel tonight.

lagoon with the fam

I'm going to lagoon today, I haven't been since 9th grade. Normally, I would love this idea. but today is not the day for lagoon. Reason #1: I have managed to upset my stomach worse than it's felt in a long time. Reason #2: I would much much much rather be with my best friend. She leaves soon and i'm really going to miss her.

Keith Urban said it best

"Without you i'd survive, but i'd have to have the notion, that I could live this life, just going through the motions"

upset stomach

feels like i got punched, or kicked, or shot. mixed with a side of nausea slash stomach cramps. This happens sometimes, when i stress out, and when i get worried.

I'm used to it, but none the less it makes me feel terrible.

i've had a lot on my mind today

I know I know, you are probably wondering why i am posting for the 3rd time today. But I've realized today that i'm a very inquisitive person. I wonder a lot, I can't think of a time in my life when I haven't had at least one question on my mind. I realize that to some people this might be obnoxious. And to those people, I apologize. I think that people have taken my questioning to mean that I don't trust them, or that I am to nosey. I'm sorry I'll try to fix the problem, I've just found that especially when I am bored I like to ask questions. I'm actually very trusting of people, I just think that i come across as untrusting because of my stupid habit. so....... sorry team, i hope you'll be patient with me while I work towards a change. And if i've offended any of you, i'm sorry, just let me know if i'm asking to many questions, i'll stop. And believe me, if you doubt, I really do trust all of you.

sorry for copying miss, but I had to put this on my blog. I LOVE IT

Date A Girl Who Reads by Rosemarie Urquico

Date a girl who reads. Date a girl who spends her money on books instead of clothes. She has problems with closet space because she has too many books. Date a girl who has a list of books she wants to read, who has had a library card since she was twelve.

Find a girl who reads. You’ll know that she does because she will always have an unread book in her bag.She’s the one lovingly looking over the shelves in the bookstore, the one who quietly cries out when she finds the book she wants. You see the weird chick sniffing the pages of an old book in a second hand book shop? That’s the reader. They can never resist smelling the pages, especially when they are yellow.

She’s the girl reading while waiting in that coffee shop down the street. If you take a peek at her mug, the non-dairy creamer is floating on top because she’s kind of engrossed already. Lost in a world of the author’s making. Sit down. She might give you a glare, as most girls who read do not like to be interrupted. Ask her if she likes the book.

Buy her another cup of coffee.

Let her know what you really think of Murakami. See if she got through the first chapter of Fellowship. Understand that if she says she understood James Joyce’s Ulysses she’s just saying that to sound intelligent. Ask her if she loves Alice or she would like to be Alice.

It’s easy to date a girl who reads. Give her books for her birthday, for Christmas and for anniversaries. Give her the gift of words, in poetry, in song. Give her Neruda, Pound, Sexton, Cummings. Let her know that you understand that words are love. Understand that she knows the difference between books and reality but by god, she’s going to try to make her life a little like her favorite book. It will never be your fault if she does.

She has to give it a shot somehow.

Lie to her. If she understands syntax, she will understand your need to lie. Behind words are other things: motivation, value, nuance, dialogue. It will not be the end of the world.

Fail her. Because a girl who reads knows that failure always leads up to the climax. Because girls who understand that all things will come to end. That you can always write a sequel. That you can begin again and again and still be the hero. That life is meant to have a villain or two.

Why be frightened of everything that you are not? Girls who read understand that people, like characters, develop. Except in the Twilightseries.

If you find a girl who reads, keep her close. When you find her up at 2 AM clutching a book to her chest and weeping, make her a cup of tea and hold her. You may lose her for a couple of hours but she will always come back to you. She’ll talk as if the characters in the book are real, because for a while, they always are.

You will propose on a hot air balloon. Or during a rock concert. Or very casually next time she’s sick. Over Skype.

You will smile so hard you will wonder why your heart hasn’t burst and bled out all over your chest yet. You will write the story of your lives, have kids with strange names and even stranger tastes. She will introduce your children to the Cat in the Hat and Aslan, maybe in the same day. You will walk the winters of your old age together and she will recite Keats under her breath while you shake the snow off your boots.

Date a girl who reads because you deserve it. You deserve a girl who can give you the most colorful life imaginable. If you can only give her monotony, and stale hours and half-baked proposals, then you’re better off alone. If you want the world and the worlds beyond it, date a girl who reads.

Or better yet, date a girl who writes.


I can tell you that this is true, I know just from my own experience. And i would highly recommend that before you ever date anyone you should find out if they read.

It's that time again

I hate this time of year, people leave, school starts, and even though I go through this every year I stil stress every year that my friendships will be lost and that school might actually kill me this year. Some of the people I will miss a lot:

Mandi Call
Evan Kirby
Sidney Merryweather
Dustin Young
(maybe Hayden Anderson)
and many others.

You really are some of my favorite people on earth. I will miss you while you are gone.

I wish I could be more like

let's face it, he has an amazing outlook on life, I think we would all do better if we would just just chill out, and hang out with our best friend's and our girlfriend's once in a while, even if we should be doing something a little more serious.

one week

it's been about a week since we hung out last, I miss her. I miss everything about her.

Doctors

I don't really like going to the doctor. I've been putting it off for so long, and I thought I was doing better than I am, but evidently it is time to succumb to the fact that maybe I can't just shake this one off like other illnesses. I have my doubts in doctors, I feel like I should be able to overcome most things on my own. But when I start effecting other people, and my symptoms start effecting my ability to live a normal life, I think those are good signs that it's time to set down my pride and go in. WEDNESDAY here I come.

One track mind

Turns out I have a one track mind.

And for the last 3 and a half months (as cheesy as it may sound) the only thing that has been on my mind is



and i think you know who you are.

sorry for the cheesiness, sometimes i just have to say what i feel (that's what this blog is for by the way) just look at the subtitle.

Sometimes

Sometimes I get to drive my best friend to ephraim so she can go to a debate meeting.

Sometimes the drive there and back turn out to be the best drives of my life (not exaggerating).

Sometimes while she is in her meetings i hike and almost get attacked by snakes and birds. Then sometimes I set up the most awesome hippie shelter in the back of my truck. and sometimes after that I find domesticated elk farms.

Then maybe sometimes I go to the temple because my best friend also happens to be the best influence for good in my life.

And after it all, sometimes I really really wish I could transfer to snow, and I dread the day that my best friend has to leave.

And most of all I know that it will be much more often than just sometimes that I will miss her when she is gone.

New day

The last few posts have been a little down, I know you are all probably thinking "duh" but if you know me you know that I think way to much, almost to a point of it being unhealthy. But I would have to say thanks to two things that are helping me get through. One is my best friend, you know who you are. I have never had anyone so willing to help me through my struggles without judging me. and for that I must say
THANK YOU
our relationship means more to me than words could ever describe. You have mentioned that you don't believe me, but really, you do so much more for me than you probably realize.

The other thing that has been helping me is a quote I found from good old Honest Abe. "The best thing about the future is that it only comes one day at a time." It's great to think about it that way. I figure things will happen no matter what I do, the most I can do is deal with it with a smile on my face.

THANK YOU AGAIN to my best friend.

and team, I'm going to try and make my posts more on the upbeat side.

self esteem

It's a weird thing. I've always lacked in this department. that was until the beginning of the summer, when things changed. All of the sudden I finally felt like I had a reason to be around. Like I had a reason to wake up. But just like every good thing it seems that this good thing was not meant to last.

Lately I've struggled with my self image again. Things have gotten weird in my life, I'm not sure where I stand anywhere I go anymore. At work I feel I don't know my job, and in my social life things are more confusing then they ever have been. I just wish I had some answers. I just want the facts as to why things have changed so much so fast. It seems that July 20th was the day things went crazy, everything was normal till the day after my birthday and then BAM life sucker punched me, and left me in a dizzying haze wondering what happened. Sadly I can't get out of the haze now, it seems to be everywhere. I am not depressed, just confused and unsure about what is going on.

I don't know if any of you know this but I love music, there is always a song that can describe how I feel, or there is a song that can help me through any time in life. These days it seems to be a hymn. "Lead Kindly Light" it's awesome, I really wish it would lead me so I could figure out the encircling gloom that seems all over in todays world, My world.

Rough Day

Rough day

That's all that needs to be said.

I don't need to explain, I don't think people want to hear it.

It's just been one of those days where half way through you start counting down the minutes till you can go to sleep and try to start over tomorrow.

Birthday!!

Today was my birthday, it was pretty darn good. I'm not a huge fan of attention but i got used to it after the 3rd round of every teacher at the pool and their kids singing happy birthday.

Went to the Museam of art, if you live near BYU I would recommend it, it is really cool right now. Some of the paintings. So awesome. I really wish I was artistic. I went with the miss, she was sick but even when she is sick she is my favorite person to be around. I feel bad that I dragged her around while she was ill, I hope she was ok with it. Really though, it is thanks to her that this birthday was one for the record books. She is definitely my best friend, and those don't come around every day. I think we'll keep her around.

Birthday presents.... they were really good this year, Books, camelbak, and an axe (i know to most people that probably sounds rediculous, but i think it's awesome.)

It was a great day.

Maybe i'll take after a friend of mine and share some random facts that you might not know about me.

My worst fear..... having my heart broken

My favorite place on earth...... the mountains

My favorite vacation spot..... seattle

Favorite place to go..... mariners games

Greatest wish...... that people were more inclusive, I am bad at joining groups and I hate feeling like I don't fit in.

another wish..... I wish i didn't think so much, I can't tell you how many times i've laid in bed awake trying to figure out why something is the way it is or why it isn't the way i hoped it would be.

If i could go anywhere in time..... I would go to when i'm graduated from college, I kinda don't like it there very much and it would be nice to be done.

Yet another wish..... I sometimes wish that people were more up front with their feelings, I hate wondering what people are thinking.

Another one...... I'm a planner, but not cause i like to be, I actually hate planning things far in advance but if i don't i'm really bad at thinking of things to do spur of the moment so if there are no plans I end up sitting at home bored.

Well team, that's a little bit about me, maybe you knew those things, maybe you didn't. Really no one reads this blog so i don't know which team i'm talking to. Ha Ha

23.......i'm not sure how i feel about that.......i guess i wish it wouldn't have come so soon.

Books

"Do you know why books such as this are so important? Because they have quality. And what does the word quality mean? To me it means texture. This book has pores. It has features. This book can go under the microscope. You'd find life under the glass, streaming past an infinite profusion. The more pores, the more truthfully recorded details of life per square inch you can get on a sheet of paper, The more 'literary' you are. That's my definition, anyway. Telling detail. Fresh detail. The good writers touch life often. The mediocre ones run a quick hand over her. The bad ones rape her and leave her for the flies."

-Fahrenheit 451

I love books, without them I think we would live in a different world.

a colorless world

a world without emotion

a world where I would not want to be.

I miss my best friend

I never realized how much she means to me until now, she's only gone for 6 days but each of these days feels like a month. But she will be back, and until then there are phone calls and text messages to make the distance seem a little smaller.

I don't like it

I have a new least favorite feeling in the world.
You know that feeling when someone you really care about is hurt, when they are going through something and you just wish you could help? Well, I thought i had gone through that feeling before, unfortunately I hadn't. Today has been rough, I've been very worried for my best friend. So worried in fact that my stomach is upset, and I may have shed a tear or two. I wish there was something I could do to help, but there isn't. I feel so helpless, like I can't figure out a problem that is right in front of me. I guess pray is all I can really do.......... and let her know how much I care.

ugh, i don't think i'll be sleeping very well tonight.

I hate this feeling.

so happy

I can't remember a summer where i've ever been this consistently happy. My friend the miss who i have blogged about a few times in the past..... well her and I began dating. I used to be against the whole idea of dating, in fact I thought that I would never find anyone who I would want to spend that much time with. Well.... I was wrong. I love every minute that I get to be with her.

I used to believe that anyone that felt this way was insane. But I don't care now, because I have honestly never felt happier, and being with her makes me a better person.

I think everyone should try to find someone that makes them feel this way.

Just saying........

This summer

This summer will be the best ever.
a little to do list is necessary.
-do the things you've always wished you would have done
-spend my life at the pool
-spend as much time as i can with my best friends
-RODEOS!!
-float the river
-fish
-camp
-maybe some other things too

I LOVE SUMMER TIME

i'm ready to publicly admit.....

I LOVE GLEE it is an amazing show, and not only that but it has helped me discover a guilty pleasure that I never even knew I had. I love the music from broadway musicals. I have never seen one, but i found out that Wicked is playing in salt lake on my birthday and I would love to go. Too bad the cheap seats are like $100 dollars. Oh well, I just thought I would share my secret with the world

Sometimes I read

Maybe I read because I don't know myself very well.

Am I an adrenaline junkie?

Am I an outdoors enthusiast?

Am I an environmentalist?

Am I a biker at heart?

Am I philosophical?

Am I a cowboy?

Am I a city boy?

Am I a redneck?

Am I a hippie?

I think I like to read because I hope that someday in the pages of my favorite books I'll finally figure out who I really am.

hello again

Well I haven't written in quite some time so I figured I would get to work. Sundance is closed :( i'm not very happy about this, but hey i can get through the spring summer and fall and it will be waiting for me there in the same spot when winter comes around again. I did get to go skiing at alta recently, and although no one could go with me I had an amazing time. It was my first time skiing at alta and I can't believe I waited till I was 22 to make it to such an amazing place. I'm going through severe skiing withdrawls, I wake up and almost the first thing that pops into my head is, "I haven't skied in SO LONG!!" really it's only been since monday but that feels like forever ago.

Spring has arrived, or I should say that it is trying to arrive. Winter is putting up a good fight but unfortunately I think that spring will pull ahead for the victory.

I'm ok with that, because spring brings camping, slacklining, scooting, long boarding, campfires, and many other fun things I love to do.

With the arrival of spring pool season has begun. I'm the assistant manager this year and I am super excited, I actually started a couple weeks ago and it is so nice to be back at my favorite summer place. We get to start hiring soon and that should only add to the excitement because then it really starts picking up!!

Well friends I hope ya'll are doing great, and I hope you're excited for spring!

my job in video

Asspen
Tags: SOUTH
PARKmore...

just click on the picture to start the movie clip

many things to say

first: it was amazing to see some of my really good friends last night, i haven't seen ya'll in a while, it was nice to catch up.

second: congrats Jameson, texas dallas mission!!

third: ok this one will be a bit longer, and i know that it will probably sound strange to some, especially because it is right above the previous post. But can i just say that i really really really wish i had a girlfriend! unfortunately i'm a very shy guy. With this whole valentines day coming up, and with the recent episode of my favorite show i've been thinking how nice it would be to know that someone likes me (more than just a friend), and it would be nice to have someone that i like. (key there is that the relationship is mutual) I know that i should date more if i really want this to happen, but you see; i'm not me when i date, and i don't know anyone that i would ask out on a date. I also would like to leave the club, you know the VL one, i know to some that are reading this it might sound absurd that i am saying such things, but it would be nice, it's something that i've wanted for a while. I've played it off like i don't care about it, but i really would like to give it a shot.

amendment #1 for my list of things to do this year

I should probably try dating a little bit more. Who knows? Maybe i'd like it if I gave it a try????

My job

simply put my job is the best, it is the kind of job that when I am at home, or I am with friends, most of the time I would rather be at work. You may think I'm crazy, because some of you when you go to work you have to look at a grill, or stand behind a counter, or maybe you are working in retail and you are in a mall all day, or maybe you are in a cubical/call center inside of a big office building. Well, I'm not.... this is the view from my officeit's ok to be completely jealous. I wouldn't blame you, in fact I would be shocked if you weren't.

blog please?

Well the title of this post is a text i got from a very good friend of mine who is also a follower of my blog. upon further review I realized that she has good reason for sending this text to me, it has been far to long since i have written in this here digital journal. So first things first, happy christmas, happy new year, and happy 1/11/11 day, yep it's all pretty epic.

I'm in full swing right now at my new job, for those of you who do not know, i am working as a ski instructor at sundance ski resort. It is amazing, and easily one of the best jobs i've ever had in my life, only the pool rivals it's status as the best. I get to go up to the mountains (my favorite place) and teach skiing (my favorite thing) 4 days and 2 nights a week. I don't think i could ask for very much more in a job. I still work at AFFC, it's good but i'm slowly realizing how under utilized i am there. I don't want to sound arrogant but i have quite a bit of experience when it comes to pools and i am still working in the bottom position at the minimum wage, that just seems a little lame to me. But i enjoy the people i work with there, and i enjoy being at a pool.

I am still in school, even with my 2 jobs, it's a little crazy but i thoroughly enjoy my crazy lifestyle. I don't have much time for a social life but even when i did have time i didn't really have one so i don't think i'm missing out on too much.

I think i should make a list of things i want to do this year in no specific order.

1. learn to fly fish

2. road trip to washington to see a mariners game

3. swim a lot

4. ski a lot

5. find my first girlfriend

6. leave the club

7. get fit again

8. try not to rejoice too much in the fact that i'm a pool/ski bum

9. further my career as a pool/ski bum :)

10. work on getting out of debt

11. continue in school, and confirm what i want to be in life.

12. move out next fall

13. save up money to visit florida

14. get my hunters safety and go hunting for the first time

More is surely on the list but i can't think of anything right now. i will continue the list as ideas pop into my head.

I don't have a whole lot more to say, my life is just filled with work work work and a little bit of school. (best semester since being home from the mission)

Have a good one ya'll